We live in a world full of options - 80 years ago, people couldn't go online and click "Hot" or "Not Hot" on someone's picture and get a date. They didn't have airplanes to fly all over the world to meet new people. Back then, they had like 2 girls in their whole school, so they couldn't afford to be picky. And they couldn't get divorced because the other girl was already married. They had no options, so they made it work. Now options aren't a bad thing, they can definitely be a good thing. But options are a bad thing as we take a look at the next 3 reasons why marriages fail. Options are a great thing to have when you're single and looking for someone. But the problem comes along when you're in a relationship and married and still see "options." When you're in a serious relationship or married, there should be no other options. It's you and that person, so make it work. But today divorce is too easy. We can get divorced at the first sign of trouble and the next day go find someone else. That is not healthy, and that's not how marriage works. If you are married and there are even just little hints of other options other than your spouse, that's a guarantee your marriage will not last.
We live in a "quick-fix" world - We live in a time where we want everything right away with no effort. We want our food to be cooked fast. We don't want to go to the gym and work out, but rather want to try the latest fad diet. We are so conditioned to wanting everything perfect immediately, without any effort, that we have fooled ourselves into thinking that's how love works. There is no such thing as a successful marriage that hasn't taken years of time, effort, and sacrifice. Every relationship and marriage has a honeymoon phase where everything is peachy. But it's not until you reach tough times and struggles where your eyes get opened to how much you really have to work at it. If you both work hard and get put the time in early during these tough times, the rest of your marriage is a breeze, and takes very little work. But many couples just expect things to be fixed right away and put bandaids where stitches should go, and things never properly get fixed. They pretend like nothing is there, and all the while the problem gets infected and begins to fester and soon you have a blowup. Don't shove things under the rug, don't put a bandaid on things. Truly put the communication and the effort into fixing small problems and quit looking for quick fixes.
We live in a world where veryone is a victim - We live in a world where it's no one's fault. Someone else is to blame, it's not our responsibility, and it isn't our fault. However if you're in a relationship and all you focus on is what the other person is doing, and not taking a look at yourself, it's a recipe for disaster. Instead of trying to "fix" the other person, look at yourself and what you need to change. Stop shifting blame and responsibility on the other person and worrying about what they're doing, and start focusing on yourself. YOU have plenty to fix, plenty of growing to do. Worry about what you need to do to be a better person and a better spouse. If there is a blame shifter in your marriage, it definitely causes a rift which leads to disaster.
We live in a selfish world - Everything in the media tells you it's all about you. It's about what makes YOU want, and what makes YOU happy. And sure, when you're single, it is. But that's not how it works in a marriage. When you first start dating someone it is more about you. If you are smart, you are patient and picky and wait for someone who is good enough to spend the rest of your life with. You look for someone who you get along with and makes you happy. But people fail to realize that the only way your relationship will last is if it evolves and changes. In the beginning it is about you, but the closer you get to someone, as your relationship matures, it becomes less about you and more and more about the other person. If you find the right person it is no longer about you, but everything about making them happy. Your selfishness in the beginning turns to selflessness. It's no longer about what you want and all about what they want. And as they become more and more unselfish and make it all about you, your marriage begins to blossom. Instead of it being 80/20, 60/40, or even 50/50, it begins to become 60/60. And although that doesn't work in math, it's the ONLY way it works in marriage. Marriage doesn't work if one person is the doormat, either by force or their choice. It barely works when it's 50/50. If you want a successful marriage, it takes both sides being so unselfish that they meet MORE THAN halfway. Then there is a huge overlap in the middle where both parties win.
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