If you haven't read Part 1, read it here...
The most important ingredient in ANY relationship is unselfishness. Unfortunately, selfishness is never an isolated event. The reason is this:
SELFISHNESS GIVES BIRTH TO SELFISHNESS AND UNSELFISHNESS GIVES BIRTH TO UNSELFISHNESS
Have you ever been in a relationship or friends with someone who is selfish? How does that affect us? It ALWAYS makes US more selfish. We have thoughts like, "Well if they're going to do or not do that, then I'm going to do this. If they're going to be like this, then I'm going to be like that." Have you ever known someone who was really selfish where it made you want to be really giving towards them? Of course not. It turns us off, closes us off, and we justify our selfishness because they're being selfish. That's what selfishness does. It creates a destructive spiral that spirals out of control until there's a huge blow up that ends in a fight.
When you start putting other people first, it builds on itself and makes you want to be more giving and more unselfish. The more you do it, the more it becomes engrained in your character. On the flip side, the more selfish you are, and the more you think about only yourself, the more you do things for yourself, which in turn makes you more selfish, so you do more for yourself, which makes you more selfish.
Being selfish and being giving is contagious. I have 2 brothers and a sister. We are pretty close. For living in the same city we don't talk or get together near as much as we should. But all of us are pretty different. But there's one thing that we all have in common, and that's a giving heart. If I ever needed anything, they would all be there for me immediately without even a question. My parents never sat us down and had a talk with us and told us to give and be unselfish. But their character was seen over and over again through their unselfish acts to family, friends, and strangers. Because of their unfailing generosity, it was unknowingly passed on to my siblings and me.
Unselfishness is not a physical act. It's a character act. Yes the end result is physical in the fact that there is an unselfish act being carried out, but it starts with character. You can do unselfish things without being unselfish. You can open the door for a hot girl, go out of your way to be nice to your boss, give money so people think you're generous, or other instances where you're hoping to gain something from your "unselfish" act.
YOU CAN DO KIND ACTS WITHOUT BEING UNSELFISH, BUT YOU CAN'T BE UNSELFISH WITHOUT DOING KIND ACTS.
If you're in a relationshp, the following phrases should never be uttered, either verbally, or in our brains:
"It's not my job"
"Well if they're going to do that then..."
"Well why should I..."
"It's not fair..."
"I don't have time..."
"I don't want to..."
Your relationship will NEVER thrive if you think or say these or other selfish phrases. If you're in a relationship that isn't going well, I can guarantee you there is a spiral of selfishness that has entrapped you both. You start acting a certain way because they did something. And because you're acting that way, they're acting this way, and because of that... and so on. All of a sudden it's spiraled out of control to where all aspects of your relationship have deteriorated; communication, physically, being unselfish, spending time together, loving each other, etc. Everything is connected. You can't have a healthy relationship if one area is out of sync. That one area in your relationship is directly connected to every other part of your relationship and if it goes, so does every other aspect. So stop looking at the other person and what they've done or haven't done or are doing or aren't doing. Go into the bathroom, take a look at yourself in the mirror. Because that's all that matters.
How do you become unselfish? Part 3 coming soon.
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