I had just left the hospital after visiting my grandma who had surgery after a minor heart attack. She was doing well and had a physical therapy appointment. As I was walking through the parking lot on the way to my car, out of the very corner of my eyeball, I noticed something dash quickly under a car. It was just a quick flash, but it looked like a bunny or a cat. Now, I have a soft spot for animals, especially bunnies; I have 4 spoiled ones as pets. I couldn't tell exactly where it went, so I laid down on my hands and toes and started looking under the cars in that row, looking very suspicious. Two ladies walked by, and thought the same thing, and asked me if I lost anything, probably getting ready to call the cops. I told them I saw a cat or bunny dash under the car. They walked away, probably not believing my story.
I then looked under a red ford focus, and right by the front tire, I saw it, and it was indeed a little grey bunny. Now I really didn't want to leave the poor bunny in the parking lot to get hit by a car. Of course, I didn't need a 5th bunny, but when you're weak and soft, rationale gets put on hold. As I tried to come up with a plan to corner it to catch it, I knew there was really no way I would be able to. I had just seen a video on ESPN the day before, of a bunny on one of the race car tracks. 5 or 6 guys kept cornering it up against the wall, trying to catch it, and the bunny wouldn't allow them to catch it. So if half a dozen guys couldn't catch a bunny, there was no way I could. Bunnies were designed to escape predators such as wolves. I figured my only chance was to surprise it and reach around the tire and grab it before it knew what was happening. Long story not as long, it didn't happen. I tried for a couple minutes, and it took off. I had a 0.00 percent chance of cathing it, but I knew I had to at least try. I knew that it would be much happier being spoiled with food and treats without danger at my house, than it did at the hospital parking lot. But that bunny had no desire to be rescued, and there was no way it would let it happen.
This is a lesson I've learned many times in my life. I've seen friends, family members, and strangers putting themselves in situations that they should have never been in. We all know or have known people who were going down a path of destruction, and we knew it, but stood there powerless. No matter what we said, what we did, it had 0 effect on them. Maybe it is a child that started dating someone that is bad news. Maybe it's a friend that was addicted to something that was ruining their life. Maybe it's a family member who struggles with guilt and depression as they blame themself for something that they feel was their fault.
As we watch these people continue to make the daily decision to stay in that mess, we sit there and try and comprehend what in the world they are thinking. We want to reach out to hug them, reach out to shake them, reach out to slap them, reach out to physically beat the crap out of them, ANYTHING to wake them up out of what seems to be a zombie-esq, sleep-walk of destruction. I've felt it all as I wanted desperately to shake and wake them up to see what I see. You know for a fact that you know what they're doing is wrong. You know what that path leads to. It's so obvious and simple. How can you make them see it?
The sad fact is, is that just like they made the decision to get into it, only they can make the decision to get out. You can't make the decision for them. You can do everything to try and get them to see, get them to wake up, get them to change their thoughts, change their actions. You can do everything in the world, and it still not be enough. Why? Because it's their life, it's their decision. The only person that can make their choices for them, is them. I don't have kids, but one of the things I fear the most is the feeling of being powerless when your child is in pain. I've never done drugs, and will never do drugs. Even if they were legal. I hate the feeling of being powerless over myself. That's not to say I don't have struggles, and what-not. But I do a good enough job of screwing my own life up, I don't need the help of anything else. But that's the feeling you have when you watch someone go through this. You are powerless. You give them advice, you love them and are there for them. You give them everything they could ever need, and they still choose this destructive habit. It's one of the worst feelings in the world.
So what do you do?
You love them. You pray for them. You give them the truth. You stand there with arms open, and every day be there for them and be ready for when they're ready for help. You can't rescue someone who doesn't want to be rescued. You can't force someone to stop doing something they don't want to stop doing. You can't physically grab their hand and pull them to safety. All you can do is extend your hand and leave it open and give them the opportunity to grab it. Like the old cliche' goes, It's not a matter of IF, but a matter of WHEN. We will all go through it in our lifetime. Just like the bunny is just a dumb animal that didn't know what I had to offer, humans, although slightly bigger brains, aren't all that much smarter. We are still dumb, still quick to fault, to fall, to chase destruction. In reality, it all comes down to how thick-headed your loved one is. Some of us are very stupid and need a huge wake-up call to snap us out of it. Some are much smarter and just need some love to turn us around. Just remember that even when it seems all is bleak and hopless, it's not. Hold onto hope, hold onto faith, and continue to do what you can. It might take weeks, months or years for that person to snap out of it. But I promise you on the other side, it just makes the victory that much sweeter. Don't lose hope!
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